Fuzzy felt man...

It’s a fuzzy old world. Not particularly warm, but definitely fuzzy and somehow it seems to be getting fuzzier every day. It’s an odd experience for me, everything used to be so sharp, ordered, neatly arranged. Even when it was random it wasn’t really, I think I was just pretending that it was - it was just a little busy really, busy and confusing. These days it’s like walking along in a television picture that isn’t quite tuned, all the edges are blurred, things that I thought were absolute aren’t. It’s almost as if the lines of absolution have been smudged, rubbed at by somebody with one of those grey grainy ink rubbers that, if you rubbed long and hard enough, would eventually go right through the paper. I wonder if I rubbed away at the edges I could get them to unblur again.

Tell me this. Why when people say they are going to do something, will definitely get back to you, why don’t they? You see in my old world that’s what I would have done. I thought it was what everybody did. But increasingly I find that I was wrong and people and things aren’t what I thought at all - and it’s fuzzying my world up. Even more (I was going to put worrying, but I’m not sure that it does worry me any longer) unsettling (yes that’s the word) not only is my world becoming fuzzy I’m beginning to fuzzy into it, blurring at the edges, not really trying to stand out from all the fuzzy crap around me. In some ways it’s a comfort, knowing that you can’t do much to control the television picture, letting it blur, blurring with it, becoming part of the blurred background of the picture rather than the picture itself.

“What is the probability of that happening?” I ask myself these days. In my old world, where the picture was crisply tuned high definition, the range was 0-1. It would or wouldn’t happen. In this new picture the range, whilst not infinite, is large, allowing me to expect any eventuality as I process incomplete and ambiguous data, accepting approximate values rather than the old absolutes I used to feel comfortable with. In reality even with all this fuzziness things will either happen or they won’t, it’s still a range of 0-1, but in between that 0-1 anything can happen, the outcome will still be the same but the journey is infinite almost and we might not ever get there and we might not even set off. Is the glass empty of full? Is there anything in the glass at all? Is it even a glass? What is empty anyway? It’s all fuzzy. Follow my logic? Fuzzy logic – messy, comforting, unsettling any outcome is possible. It’s like being not quite drunk all of the time. You expect nothing to happen but accept it when it does because it was always going to happen that way as soon as it happens. The glass tips over but the liquid doesn’t run away. Is it really liquid at all? Is that even a glass? Was it the glass that tipped or was it the world?

0-1 and almost everything in between. I wonder if I take my grey grainy ink rubber and rub away really hard I can make a hole in this picture and escape?